Temptation
by KiKiANDjules
Summary: Angel realizes that Angelus isn't as passive as he had thought.


**Temptation**

Angelus was always there. Angel didn't know, of course. Angel was like a child, seeing the world in black and white, without complexity. To him, Angelus came and went with the soul. When the soul was in place, Angelus was gone.

But Angelus knew better. Nothing was absolute. Nothing was final. He had spent centuries bending the rules, and he'd spend centuries more.

And it wouldn't always be locked in his enemy's head.

Angel awakened all at once, his eyes snapping open, every nerve on edge. After centuries of persecution, he had discovered that taking a few seconds to come alert might be the few seconds that turned him to ash and dust.

There was no one in the room.

Angel lay silently, unmoving. He had heard something. A voice. A whisper?

But now, there was only silence.

Angel had become accustomed to silence. When he had reentered the world a decade ago, he had been nearly deafened by the sounds of thousands of humans, all clamoring for attention. After centuries of solitude, the roar had nearly driven him back to the sewers.

But he had grown used to the noise of humans breathing, running, always _screaming_, and had even grown to like it. In very small doses.

To him, silence was still home.

For a moment, he simply savored the pure quiet of the small room. There were no noises outside of the loft, not even the usual bustle of cars and people rushing through the day. Even the Bronze was silent.

Silent.

_How can you think of yourself as even part human?_

Angel gave a small frown in the darkness. He didn't know where that thought had come from. He considered it. Did humans desire this absolute quiet? He didn't think so. From what he had seen, humans seemed to be strictly social.

Part human. It's strange, he had grown to think of himself as such. A human trapped in the body of a vampire, right?

_More like the other way around._

Angel gave an imperceptible shudder. That was what a vampire was, a demon in the body of a human. But in his case...he didn't know. Who was the real Angel, the vampire or the human?

_Do you really have to ask?_

Of course not. He was a vampire, he would always be a vampire. Angel, the vampire with a soul. Not human. Vampire.

_Of course. Did you really think living among humans changed your nature?_

How could he have been so foolish as to believe so? Befriending humans, defending humans...loving humans—it made no difference. It was only a matter of time before he'd give into temptation, and then...Buffy wouldn't see it coming. He could just see her, so small and delicate, her eyes wide with confusion, asking him what was wrong...see the pulse beat strong in her neck, faster and faster as she realized his intent, faster, harder, quicker as he approached, unstoppable, his mouth closing down on the spot where blood would rush, hot and thick...

_You like that, don't you?_

God, yes, he did, he did. It gave him a rush of pleasure that none of Buffy's tentative kisses had created. He had thought he had conquered the beast inside. He was wrong.

_So very, very wrong._

So utterly, completely wrong.

_Killing was in his nature_.

He was a killer, he'd always be a killer.

_You are a vampire._

He'd always be a vampire. No matter what he did, no matter how many humans he aided...

_You have slaughtered more than you will ever save._

And he could never make amends. Never be forgiven.

_So why continue fighting?_

What was the point? Why, when it was inevitable that one day, he would lose control, forget anything but give into the hunger that lay deep inside, waiting to be filled.

_Kill the Slayer. Temptation will be removed, and you'll remember what you lost when you fill your hunger with her blood._

Angel snarled, his golden eyes flashing in the half-darkness of his shabby loft. With a growl that rumbled low in his throat, he threw aside the blankets, stood in the dim light of his hovel, and closed his eyes as he imagined her blood rushing down his throat as she whimpered in his arms.

_Whimper? Before you're done with her, Angel, she'll be screaming._

And that thought, so strange and foreign, so utterly and undeniably alien, was the only thing that stopped him before he gave into temptation.

"You were supposed to meet me at the Bronze last night," Buffy mentioned, her eyes meeting his.

Angel met her pale green eyes, eyes that radiated innocence that he had lost so long ago. "Something came up."

"Problem?"

Angel shook his head and managed a smile that faded as he heard, from deep inside his mind,

_Always_.


End file.
